Slap Happy Endings

by Tom Bair

Much has been made of ABC’s latest high-gloss ensemble situation comedy, Happy Endings. The network debuted their suggestive title on Wednesday past, and boldly followed this premier by engaging the viewer with their crusty tip, or, in suit-speak, aired another episode.

The jokey-thing just made could refer to the layer of cum found on the glans of a used penis, perhaps after a Happy Ending, and the action of squeeezing the last bit of ecstatic paste from the tube. Or, lonesome paste. But enough about you. You’re so lonesome you’ve decided to entertain yourself by reading an entertainment blog. Stop hitting yourself.

But, why? Aren’t the shows enough? It’s not enough to have lived? You have to talk about it? No. Talking is one of the most life-like aspects of living. And television is beautiful because it makes an attempt to talk to, with, and for many people. For profit. It’s the static therapist. The format doesn’t change and it asks that you don’t change (the channel) either.

ABC, which is owned by Disney, will use Happy Endings in attempt to increase its stranglehold of Wednesday Primetime. This should be expected from Disney, because Wednesday is Thursday for princesses. My guess is the broadcast station offered Matthew Perry’s “grand return” in Mr. Sunshine as fodder for the 9:30 slot, giving audience members a very small, but flashy, reason not to immediately change the channel after Modern Family. Happy Endings has now replaced Mr. Sunshine, and with good reason.

Happy Endings has nothing to do with massage parlors, but it does the trick. The storyline is centered on a young couple, Dave (Zachary Knighton) and Alex (Elisha Cuthbert), who are to be wed, but alas, the girl is fled. Awful. She runs away, he is depressed, she returns (from their honeymoon (ouch)), and of course, all of their friends are mutual.

This is a “hanging out” sitcom, but otherwise there are many similarities between Happy Endings and Modern Family. The cast is just diverse enough to offer thousands of possible permutations on race, weight, and sexuality jokes. Traditional roles are slightly complicated by slightly atraditional formulations. For instance, the gay guy is the “bro” of the cast. Both shows do a good job of writing for humorous characters and one-liners. The final similarity between these shows is cleavage. There is a fair amount of cleavage.

The show is funny. If you’ve had a long day, it’s a good half hour.

This post edited 2015 to remove an image with potential copyright infringement issues.