Poem/CounterPoem: Dickinson

by lewis levenberg

Poem/CounterPoem takes an out-of-print, public-domain poem and responds to it, also in verse.

Today’s poem comes from Emily Dickinson:

There’s a certain slant of light,
Winter afternoons,
That oppresses, like the weight
Of cathedral tunes.

Heavenly hurt, it gives us;
We can find no scar,
But internal difference
Where the meanings are.

None may teach it anything,
‘T is the seal, despair, —
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the air.

When it comes, the landscape listens,
Shadows hold their breath;
When it goes, ’tis like the distance
On the look of death.

Another version, better reflecting her original manuscript:

There’s a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons –
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes –

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us –
We can find no scar,
But internal difference,
Where the Meanings, are –

None may teach it – Any –
‘Tis the Seal Despair –
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the air –

When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, ’tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –

I’ll leave commentary on these versions of the poem,
including on “internal difference, | where the meanings are,” to others.
Instead, I’ll provide each version in a chain of revisions to the counterpoem.

Here’s a first response:

there’s punctuation over
and above whatever
changes you had made
to your own script

loopy and unrenounced
shorter in line and dashed
and slashed and swoops
and overall less tight/controlled…

elliptical revisions
in between your hand
and friends’ for publication
anyway, emily dickinson,

“there can be but the one”…
formal and stiff response
to death: empire, positive
and measured assassination.

A revision:

anyway, emily dickinson,
“there can be but the one”…
elliptical revision
to loopy emdashed hand

one formal, rigid count
tightened renunciation
punctual declaimed empire
so there’s the seal

on distant horizons, winter
light blows in (a curlicue)
(a concept, even) more like
distraction than despair

at least, today, surrounded
by dead streets
polluted slant of rhyme
grows dim, affection dulls.

once more:

emily dickinson!
“there can be but the one”
renunciation
slant of light or or or…

on elliptical horizons
winter (curlicued) (emdashed)
(conceivable) blows
distraction/despair

revision: punctual
rigid declaimed air
crumbles unsealed
empire’s landscapes

only this affliction —
dun polluted blood, dead
sky / dense untaught music
linger after defeat and day

so, finally:

emily dickinson!
“there can be but the one”
renunciation
slant of light or

or elliptical horizons
winter (curlicued) (endashed)
(conceivable) distraction/blows
despair revision:
punctual, rigid
declaimed air
crumbles unsealed
empire’s landscapes;

only this affliction —
dun polluted blood, dead
sky / dense untaught music —
lingers past defeat and day

First version: from The Oxford Book of American Verse, 1950.
Second version: from poets.org, 2011.
Image: from MOLT, 2008.